Jim: Yes. Nellie: [standing up] Him, you say? Robert: I don't think you would have shown up to work nearly an hour late for no reason. Jim: I think that's probably all we need to hear from....

We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. This site sets cookies with your browser and may collect personal information. Nellie: I knew this would happen! Nellie: Performance reviews. Gabe: A little unspecific. Nellie: Yeah, thank you. Robert: I am loving the chemistry between you two. Maybe someone threw a pie in his face. Same goes for me. Ha. Nellie: Jim, have you ever heard of a character named Tinkerbell? Hmm? STANDS4 LLC, 2020. You buy a diamond ring for yourself, wear it on your right hand, and tell yourself, "You're all you need". Nellie: Oh, here's what happened.

I bought thirteen pianos. How's the air up there?

Jim: Oh, I'll do it. [chuckles] All right, let's uh- Let's do some card magic.

Nellie: I have one simple philosophy in business: if the seat is open, the job is open. Nellie: Oh, here's what happened. I never stood a chance. Magician: [yells] What the hell?

Um, I feel like there might be a conflict there, and if a conflict did arise, how would that be dealt with? Todd, look at that.

Symbol of transparency. Just... Just, somewhere in the middle. Everyone would have the same job. Thirty boxes arrived yesterday from England and two trunks from Florida. Nellie: Oh, is it?

Nellie: First, I'll take down the cubicle walls. What you want is a good night's sleep, working mother of two.

[laughs] Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, okay. You know that, right? Everyone is somebody's boss, and that person can fire the person below them. Nellie: Psst. No, no, no. How did I pull that off? Nellie: A few hours ago, your body was open like a cabinet. I'm guessing he's some kind of close romantic friend. Whoa. I'd take your job, but I'd reject the title. The Office (2005-2013) is an American NBC situation comedy and mockumentary, based on the British show of the same name, set in a paper-products office in Scranton, Pennsylvania where Andrew Bernard, the position formerly held by Michael Scott, mana…. Um, I … So, how did this special project come about anyway? [slow clap] I'm Nellie Bertram, president of special projects. Hmm? There's no such thing.

Nellie: That's not really what you want.

Jim: No. We are a regular Archibald and his man George. Love, Nellie."

I used it earlier myself. I'm calling you from the new Arrowhead, which is why my voice is crystal clear.

Loam. Seven more times I did that. Jim: Like a boyfriend?

[emotional] I didn't even get a callback. You're a big, tall man. Stuff like that. She is an original character, and has no counterpart in the original British version of the series. Nellie: I think you're amazing. Sorry, everyone. Nellie: That is amazing. Don't know.

I don't work especially hard, and most of my ideas are either unoriginal or total crap. Okay, well, um, I like consistency in the manager's position, no weird silent coups.

I was born in the little working-class town of Basildon, and until the age of 32, [in an Essex accent] I talked like this, which was bloody horrendous, innit? Come on over here, huh? What do you think it should look like? I hear it. I'll take your job by rejecting the title. Nellie: When you use a ridiculous font, no one thinks you have a plan. Ryan: So who's leading this thing, anyway? Jim: Which Spice Girl? I'm easy. Nellie: No. Kevin & Meredith: Yes.

We were just... Now, I know you probably all think I'm this patrician goddess. Nellie: Where there's a will, there's a way.

Ay, caramba! The only calls on your machine are from collection agencies about that pair of motorcycle boots you never even wore. Jim: That's very interesting. Nellie: I see you've discovered Benjamin. This is really uncool, okay? Nellie: The water pressure in the hotel is marvelous. Nellie: I just wanted to take the man's job, not his manhood. Packer: Oh, yikes.

No hablo el cardo, senor? Who is this guy? It's how I came to briefly race a Formula One car.

Dwight K. Schrute: I have to see these shoes. Nellie: Everyone would be known for their accomplishments. Jim: Yeah. Jim: It was-

There'd be no desks.

Either way, 50 minutes of that and you... You are cracking to go. Everyone has the same job. Next topic. Sockee! Robert: Nellie. Nellie: I came in here simply trying to get to know you, learn your names, maybe have someone teach me the company song. Be honest, does Jim really get up in the night? Nellie Bertram: First, I'll take down the cubicle walls. It goes a long way with me.

I am manager, a natural next step. She appears to be religious, as she has mentioned that she attends church.

She claims to have once had a one-night stand with Hugh Grant's elder brother, John Grant, an act that she states she completed by \"sheer force of will\" (it is possible that this may be just one of her many li… Oh, I think you're my volunteer.

No real skills. Watch the Great Schrutini work his magic. She's a person! I will volunteer.

Nellie: Everyone would be known for their accomplishments. Lie down right here. I'd take your job, but I'd reject the title. is her name. There'd be no titles.

Nellie: Sorry. I did, and I will keep doing it. Off it goes again. Pam: Whoa, that's kind of condescending. Who's Phyllis?

. Ryan: I can't wait to meet him. Same goes for me. Hmm? Magician: Oh!

I'm guessing he's some kind of friend.

Seven forty-six, my alarm clock goes off. Whack! Pam: [drowsily] I'm amazing. Andy: This is what I was trying to tell you. Nellie: Symbol of transparency. Thought of that? Toby: But there aren't... Nellie: Symbol of transparency. We truly appreciate your support.

But you all are here, so no harm done at all by my lateness. "Hello. Mm.

Nellie: Well, I thought it was quite fun.

Okay?

Nellie: Oh, no. Bzz! Like a big turd with a door on the front, right? Magician: Little known fact about me. Yeah. Nellie: Test launch day, people. Expected a man, did you? Have a nap. Magicians are repulsive. Nellie: Well, Bobby, get accustomed to it because then it feels so good when they finally say yes. Nellie: I'm Tinkerbell. Let’s find you something fun to do here, shall we? Let's not go there. Kevin: None taken. Big guy, huh?

Everyone will be known for their accomplishments.

The men dry up, and the nights get lonely. [aside to camera:] Nellie: Mm-hm. Nellie: Well, I'll tell you how.

Thanks for your vote! Symbol of transparency.

I would appreciate it if you would keep that stuff on the basketball court. Nellie: "Take a man's job, but leave him his balls." Wouldn't you rather come talk with me? [Jim drops the cards] You didn't just do that on purpose, did ya?

Bzz!

Now, I would like to fill you in on a little secret about me to inspire you today. Nellie: Go on. Robert: I bet.

If you ask me, that's the American dream right there. Nellie: Trick! Um, I feel like there might be a conflict there, and if a conflict did arise, how would that …

She's administering massage, alright, if you need it. 'Cause that's not a real place. More cubicles. I hit rock bottom when I auditioned for the Spice Girls.

Jim: [picks a card] It's the four of hearts. All right, the card is picked. Because it is 10:00.

Nellie: Robert. Jim: Yeah, that's the thing.

Everyone has the same job. Dwight K. Schrute: You read my mind.

I once spent a passionate night with Hugh Grant's brother, John Grant. Nellie: By splitting the difference. Is it because in some strange way it is you? Nellie: [walks in] Oh. Everybody told me if I moved to America, I'd be murdered. I'm so sorry. If you don't, whatever, just talk to her! And my hand will never get tired because of the ergonomic shape.".

Robert: Good. Robert: [laughing] Nellie, really, nine-fifty? "The Office , Season 7 Quotes." I hear it. Whack the snooze. Jim: No, that's Andy's office.

Dwight K. Schrute: Are you trying to sabotage this entire event? Jim: Better theory. Nellie: No. Pam: No. That’s barely healed.

Nellie: Ugh! Would you say something like that to Jim? Nellie: Everyone would be known for their accomplishments.

It's just random. Then I realized, what if Sabre had a store?

Let me tell you what real life is like. You've been terrific in your interim capacity.

Dwight K. Schrute: Oh!

I'm late. Say, "I can't wait to meet him."

Jim: I'm very sorry.

Nellie: Mm-hm. I’d take your job, but I’d reject the title. So I called Jo, old friend, founder of Sabre, and I told her and she grabbed me by the shoulders and she said, "Yes!" Jim: That's very interesting.

Robert: How are you adjusting to life in Scranton so far? Dwight: [show her the wound] Oh God. Jim: That's very interesting. Pam: How can you give us performance reviews if you don't know us? Fancy a nap? Same goes for me. Bunch of grown men waving wands, pulling bunnies out of body crevices. Dwight K. Schrute: [finds shoe box] Ooh. Robert: Oh, no, you- Nellie was born in the working class town of Basildon, England, where she grew up in poverty. Robert: Ah, well, it is astounding what a difference that can make, isn't it? But, Andrew is the rightful manager so if you would just give him his office-

It fits like a glove. Whack!

Pam: Really?

Before I was a magician, I used to work at a rope factory.

Off it goes again. Nellie: That one looks empty. Robert: We have a manager. Dwight: That’s right. It was. New theory- he's a hated Italian politician.

All right, where's Phyllis?

Hmm? Dwight K. Schrute: Here's the two of them taking a hike. Magician: What? Nellie: Do you really?

Everyone is somebody's boss, and that person can fire the person below them. Jim: That's very...

Robert: [to Dwight] Why is Jim treating the magician poorly? Nellie: I grew up poor.

There'd be no titles.

Nellie: Oh, I’ve already found it. Don't you see what I see? Nellie: Nine minutes. Dwight K. Schrute: I will get the chair in. Jim: [reads] "Nellie, don't open, stupid. Nellie: I just made you look like the goat of Dover. There'd be no titles. Kevin: Hot tub party? Now sir, will you please shuffled the deck? If I'd known Jim and Pam would use this party as an excuse to abuse a magician-

I tell you what I'd do. What I got in return was nothing but disrespect.

More division. Dwight K. Schrute: Here's the two of them kissing at a beach and kissing at the Eiffel Tower. Magician: Looks like we got a guy from another country here, huh?

Um, I feel like there might be a conflict there.

And once a month, the lowest person... [Imitates cutting throat] Buh-bye. Robert: I'm sorry? Nellie: Ah! Nellie: At least once a month, the lowest performing person... bye-bye!

Nellie: I just wanted to take the man's job, not his manhood.

Nellie: Can I see the wound? Everyone takes their shoes off, before they come in. Whack the snooze. Nellie: Jim, help me lower this screen.

Nellie: So far, so good. Oscar: Actually, Nellie, this monologue you're delivering is very offensive.

Nellie: Oh! Jim: I'll do it. It's Jim. Dwight: You’re not paying me to heal, you’re paying me to kick ass. No lower than... What's lower than dirt? Bzz, whack. When you pull on it, it disappears. Okay. Magician: But I never could seem to figure out those knots. Are your minds blown? You just sit on the floor. Stanley: Who's a native? There is the whole moving to Scranton nonsense. There'd be no titles. Gabe: A little unspecific.

[points to Jim] After you decided I wasn't "a good fit-" Nellie Bertram: Oh... yeah... Scratch everything from before.

Nellie: [to Dwight] I have uh, written down a few questions. Why did you kill it? Everyone will be known for their accomplishments.